Okay, so Demetri Martin has written a book, and he's coming to the store to promote it this Saturday at 6:30. It's called This is A Book, and like much of his comedy, it is really really funny. Good, right? Funny person writes funny book, yay. But just like Tina Fey's new book, Bossypants (which you should go read immediately if you haven't already), there's something super duper great about this that is not quite contained in all the author's other forms of entertaining-you-with-jokes. This is, I'm quoting the jacket, "prose comedy," a phrase that makes me want to barf but is describing something that it turns out is awesome if done well. The book has sections of prose but also graphs and charts, drawings, and a crossword puzzle where every answer is just the letter A repeated a certain number of times (it made me laugh out loud repeatedly, then marvel at the fact that I was laughing at the same punch line over and over again).
I kind of don't want to excerpt anything here, because I don't want to ruin the funniest parts, but I also want you to get all intrigued and come take a look at this book (see how difficult a book blogger's job is? You should buy me a beer). Below are some things inside of it that made me really incredibly happy (and/or laugh so hard I cried and ruined my eyeliner. Seriously, Mr. Martin, you owe me some eyeliner).
Palindromes for Specific Occasions:
Gently informing a DJ that there is a problem with the sound system:
No music is, um, on.A comment said to a friend about the size of his old jeans, after he's lost a lot of weight:Massive Levis, Sam.
A guy explaining to his friend how he feels about operas as he accidentally runs into a beehive:
See, bro, operas are poor--Bees!
Optimist, Pessimist, Contortionist
Take a look at this glass of water.
OPTIMIST: The glass is half full.
PESSIMIST: The glass is half empty.
CONTORTIONIST: I can fit both of my feet in there, no problem.
We found a lump on your neck.
OPTIMIST: It's probably just a cyst.
PESSIMIST: Oh God, I'm going to die.
CONTORTIONIST: That's my toe.
Your luggage has not yet arrived from Phoenix.
OPTIMIST: I'm sure it'll be here soon.
PESSIMIST: It's gone.
CONTORTIONIST: I know. I'm inside it.
Describe yourself in two words.
OPTIMIST: "Hopeful idealist."
PESSIMIST: "Cautious cynic."
CONTORTIONIST: "Fisherman's knot."
Protagonist's HospitalIf this has not made you want to come see him talk, then probably either I've mistyped it or your eyes are broken. Either way, give it the benefit of the doubt and come anyway. He'll just be chilling in our little events space upstairs, you get a priority signing line ticket if you buy the book from us, and the event is free and open to the public. Here. Saturday. 6:30. There, I've said it three times now. See you there!
DR. BARNES: We've got a Caucasian male, gunshot wound to the shoulder. Minor injury.
DR. STONE: Okay.
DR. BARNES: We're treating another Caucasian male who has a gunshot wound in his arm. It's not serious, though. He is actually in excellent physical condition despite having been in a high-speed car chase for hours after being shot.
DR. STONE: Sounds familiar.
DR. BARNES: Yep. Now, in those beds over there we have three Caucasian males, two of whom were shot in the leg, but only in the fleshy part and not near any joints.
DR. STONE: And the third?
DR. BARNES: Knife wound.
DR. STONE: Let me guess...in his shoulder?
DR. BARNES: Right.
DR. STONE: So, these patients are essentially all fine then?
DR. BARNES: Yep. And every single one of them also has an incredibly high tolerance for pain.
DR. STONE: Uh-huh.
DR. BARNES: And, incidentally, they are all remarkably good with quips, even while receiving medical treatment.
DR. STONE: I've seen a lot of that lately.
-Anna, kids books